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If They Ever Go Back Inside

Prompt: If they chop open my body - Julia Alter

If they ever go back inside me they'll probably find more cancer. I think they'll also find ideas, hope, confidence and fear. This time I'm sure they'll be surprised by other things, too.

If they go back inside me they might find mom's white Camaro convertible. In the back seat three inner tubes, a big sand pail and shovel, a blanket, a full picnic basket and a telescope. A passport to adventure.

Both of my dogs. Past and present. All my favorite CDs and books. Rice Krispie treats and Nutella.

If they went back inside me again, they'll find a heart, mended with big and small stitches of delicate silken floss, rope, twine. Some rusted barbed wire. Wounds remain in the pulsing red muscle. Tragedies are in progress.

They'll also find art supplies, favorite pens and just the right notebooks.

Inside me there surely will be a beach on the ocean with waves crashing under the fishing pier, or a cabin on a calm lake amidst pines with soft winds blowing.

I hope they find my crew. Nurses, doctors, dietitians, all of the wonderful healing experts and staff who care, and are ready and waiting for me. It took many years to assemble my team and surrounding them will be a mound of gratitude and favorite beverages.

When they open me they'll also find my family, friends, my Warriors. Not tons of folks, no, but those who hold a special puzzle piece. We may have to look for a while to see how we fit together but once the pieces fit, the connection lasts for a lifetime. Softening their space: mutual support, permanent hugs, with a little light getting through where the cardboard doesn't fit perfectly.

Of course there has to be room for the sun and the moon and stars. And a moon calendar to track the number of full moons since my mom's death. My birth full moon seems less important but maybe not.

They'll find a boat (actually a rowing machine). My yet unnamed vessel that moves smoothly through time and space on carpeting, or imagined water. She is gently propelled by my energy and has the capability of taking me anywhere and everywhere.

Perhaps there will be a direct line to the White House. Where I can express my opposition. And a big vacuum cleaner to inhale all of the political crap to be dumped off the edge of the Earth. But I digress.

And of course when they open me, they will find a waterfall. A glacier, a lake, a river. Sunshine, blue sky and warm, soft breezes.Everyone I have ever loved. So many are here no more. And just there, tucked in a corner, my good deeds and love. To prove my time here was acceptable. That I tried.


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